Random Inuyasha
by Skidaleedoo
Summary: Jus random stuff cuz i was bored...give it a chance...i guarantee u'll laugh.
1. Chapter 1

**_Robot Inuyasha_**

Ok this is just something for when I feel random. It's just Inuyasha characters in stupid situation acting stupid but in a funny way. And it's my way of appologizing for my long absence.

Sesshy-Badazz

"What did you say?!" Koga yelled.

"I said I have a bad itch!" Sesshoumaru replies casually.

Koga walks away in seething silence.

"Fat bitch" Sesshoumaru mumbles.

The truth behind law enforcement

"Ok you've all got 2 minutes each to explain your story." Kagome dressed in a policeman's outfit said.

"Why only two?" Inuyasha asked.

"Because I've got a hair appointment at three and if I walk out of here looking like a tumble weed…all of you are going to go to jail where all the crazies are!"

Silence.

BATMAN

"Good golly gee willickers spiffy sneakers BATMAN!" Shippo said.

In Court…Part 1

"Your honor, as the court can see the victim hasn't showed up so what do you say we just throw this whole big ass law suit out…" Inuyasha began.

"Wait your honor! My client is here." Naraku said barging in followed by Kagura in a wheel chair, a neck brace, and a bandaged head. Inuyasha stood mouth open in comical disbelief.

"Oh my goodness, are you ok?" Kaede asked concern in her voice.

"Yes your honor, it's just the throbbing from the plate in my head." Kagura answered.

SOULJABOY

"YUAAAL" (soulja boy music)

"aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAH…Soulja boy off in this hoeWatch me crank itWatch me rollWatch me crank dat soulja boyThen super man dat hoeNow watch me yuuuuaaaaaal!

"I don't get it?" Koga said.

"Get what?" Ayame asked.

"Some people say that song is nasty but I don't know how."

"Why don't you listen to the lyrics?"

(Soulja boy song later)

"Watch me crank that Roosevelt…And super soak that OH! Now I get it."

In Court…Part 2

"Raise your right hand please." Sesshoumaru, the bailiff asked emotionlessly.

"Oh but the pain…" Kagura said pathetically.

"Don't worry about it, you poor thing." Judge Kaede said.

"Now, I know this must be terribly painful and traumatic for you but do tell the court what happened." Naraku proceeded.

"Well your honor, I-I slipped and fell. The floor was soaking wet and now I'm forced to look like this. I was once a beautiful young woman."

"I object!" Inuyasha said standing.

"On what grounds?!?" Judge Kaede yelled.

"She was iight." Inuyasha finished.

"Sit down immediately…overruled."

"Kagura, do you feel there was any one person at fault in this court room?" Naraku asked.

"Well, yes"

"And do you see him in this court room today?"

"Yes but are you quite sure I'm going to be safe? He did say that if I identified him that he was gonna…he was gonna…BUST A CAP IN MY ASS!"

Sango, Miroku, Kagome, and of course Inuyasha had looks of disbelief.

"Kagura, dear, no one's going to bust a cap in your ass." Kaede said kindly.

"Well, ok…IT WAS HIM!" Kagura yelled pointing to Inuyasha.

HEY KOOLAID

"Oh no" Naraku said.

"Oh no" Kagura repeated.

"Oh no" Kanna added.

"OH YEAH!" The Koolaid man said bursting through the wall.

Stares.

IMA BUY YOU A DRANK

"Huh?"

"What is the matter Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked.

"Can T-Pain really sing without that machine over his voice?"

"It probably went something like him walking in and singing like a dying bird and someone said 'Hey let's make this retarded son of a bitch a star!'". (All in good joke…I LOVE T-PAIN!!!)

In Court…Part 3

"He saw the whole thing happen after he mopped the floor and didn't even try to help me. And then the rest of them just stood around and laughed at me." Kagura said.

Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, and Sango had narrowed eyes and open mouths.

"And then they put me in this room and forced me to eat Spam. I don't even know what Spam is."

"Niether do I, that sounds disgusting." Judge Kaede added.

"No, when Sango makes Spam sandwitches she really puts the thing in it. Stand up and tell 'em Sango." Inuyasha said pulling Sango to her feet.

"Well your honor I put chopped onions and…"

"Thank you…I know all I need to know about Spam." Judge Kaede said.

"Your honor did you know Spam comes from a Spig?" Miroku said.

"No more talking about Spam!" Judge Kaede said banging her hammer thingy.

"Tell the court what kind of injuries you obtain at the Inuyasha Inn." Naraku said.

"Well it would be easier to just tell you what didn't get hurt…my toes."

"I object! Those toes are jacked!" Kagome yelled pointing to Kagura's blackened crusty feet.

"Order in the court! Order in the court!" Judge Kaede said banging her hammer again.

"Yes, I'd liked to get a hamburger with cheese and…" Inuyasha said. Kagome pulled him to his seat.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

"I can't believe Kikyo's dead." Inuyasha said.

"I can't believe this is her 27th time dieing." Sesshoumaru said in genuine disbelief.

"I can't believe it's not butter!" Kagome said biting into a piece of toast.

In Court…Part 4

"Miroku..." Naraku started.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"Were you at the Inuyasha Inn on the morning of the accident?"

"Yes I was, I don't have to give out my social security number do I? I owe a lot of taxes, you know?" Miroku asked.

"That won't be required." Judge Kaede said.

"Did Inuyasha mop the floors prior to the accident?"

"You know I'm not sure…"

"Well did he tell you he mopped the floors?"

"You see that's what I'm saying…first he said he did, then he said he didn't."

"Oh Ah Uh Hm, so what you're saying is that Inuyasha is a liar."

"What, yo mama." Inuyasha said.

"Would you say that Inuyasha was a liar Miroku?"

"Well a little white lie…hasn't ever hurt anybody, you know but us."

"That's enough questions…Inuyasha is a habitual liar."

"Who you callin' a habitch?" Inuyash stood and advanced toward Naraku only to be stopped by Kagome's ever popular…

"Sit" Inuyasha slammed into the ground.

DARTH VADER

"Inuyasha, I…am your father." Sesshoumaru said.

Inuyasha fainted.

"Finally" Sesshoumaru said grabbing Inuyasha's wallet and walking away.

In Court…Part 5

"Koga" Naraku asked Koga now on the witness stand.

"How would you describe Inuyasha as an employee and as a person?"

"Uh g-good, good." Koga said watching Inuyasha fanning money behind Naraku's back.

"And remember you're under oath." Naraku said.

"…He's the most bone-headed, idiotic, mutt I've ever had the displeasure to see!" Koga said.

"No further questions." Naraku said with a smile.

Inuyasha hung his head low at Koga's stupidity.

"Koga" Kagome whined.

"I was under oath."

Ses doesn't care

"Oh no he's coming!" Jaken whispered frantically.

"Don't talk or he'll see your lips moving and he'll know you are talking to me." Sesshoumaru said from the backseat of the car Jaken had drove to meet the kidnapper Naraku who had yet again kidnapped poor Rin.

"But I'm scared." Jaken said.

"Jaken, the point of the element of surprise is for it to be a surprise. Now stop moving your lips or I'll kill you myself.

"But what if he shoots me!"

"I'll live"

In Court…Part 6

"Sango, hi"

"Hi"

"You know Inuyasha as a friend do you not?"

"Right"

"Is he usually messy?"

"Well only when he's eating Ramen." Sango laughed.

"Oh so he's always had a problem with messiness."

"Oh well, we all get messy some times."

"Messes like the one in the lobby that day!"

"Wait…"

"NO FURTHER QUESTIONS!!!!"

"AAHH" Sango screamed and began to strangle Naraku. Everyone quickly ran up to stop the madness.

SHOCK

Inuyasha walked into the bathroom and his eyes widened. Sesshoumaru froze what he was doing and looked at his confused little half brother.

"Wow, the evidence just keeps piling up huh?" Inuyasha stated as Sesshoumaru put the eye shadow away and walked out.

"Make any joke you want, you know I look good."

"For the record I thought that was part of your demonic markings so thank you killing my respect for you."

Mr. Potatohead

"Hey dad, I'm back." Lil' Sesshoumaru said as he walked in.

"Sesshoumaru, where's Inuyasha?"

"He was just standing next to me five hours ago."

"Hey Bro, you remember me?" Lil' Inuyasha asked as he walked in on cue.

"I'm the guy you left standing at the counter at WcDonalds with a bag of burgers in my hand. Yeah, I tried to walk home but…lot of hungry deer out this time of night." Lil' Inuyasha said casually. "You may have noticed…I'M MISSING AN EAR!" Lil' Inuyasha said emphasizing by showing the dog-demon the whole in his skull where his ear once was.

"Managed to pry it out of the deer's mouth and put it on ice so when you want to apologize just talk into this CUP!" Lil' Inuyasha said holding out the WcDonald's cup.

"Sesshoumaru, how can you be so irresponsible? Inuyasha could have gotten hurt!" Dad said.

"Yeah, I'm missing an ear, I guess that doesn't count." Lil' Inuyasha said sarcastically.

"I'm very disappointed in you, go to your room!" Dad yelled. Sesshoumaru sighed, too tired to argue and did as he was told.

"Don't worry, I don't need to go to the hospital, I'll just use this Mr. Potatohead ear." Lil' Inuyasha said sarcastically and placed the plastic ear in the hole.

In Court…Part 7

"I would like to call Inuyasha to the stand." Naraku said. Inuyasha got up and brushed himself off.

"Alright, let's do this!" He walked by each of his friends and slapped their hand, then walked to Kagura and slapped her lightly on the cheek.

He walked to Sesshoumaru and they pounded fists then he sat. Sesshoumaru held out the book for swearing. (Bible I just didn't want to insult anyone.)

"It's all good." Inuyasha said then prepared for questioning.

"Inuyasha…hi"

"What's up? I like the whole outfit by the way, Judge. I love the black and wh-…" Kaede glared at him.

"I'm just going to leave you alone now." Inuyasha decided.

"Now, Inuyasha, did you mop the floor that morning?"

"I did not."

"Well then, do you recognized THESE!?" Naraku pulled out used cleaning gloves. Kagura screamed and Inuyasha looked worried.

"Those aren't mine" Inuyasha said cooly.

"Try them on."

"Shall I approach the jury?"

"Be my guest."

Inuyasha did the OJ walk towards the jury and slipped the gloves on to where his thumbs stuck out. He held his hands up and looked innocent.

"Objection, your honor, he's faking." Naraku said.

"I object because she's faking." Inuyasha said walked quickly to Kagura.

DunkenDonuts camercial REMIX

"Shikon, Tama, Shiki, Gami, Tetsu, Seiga, Hanyou, Youkai!" My friends and I all chant with a robotic tune.

"My mouth can't form these words, my mind can't find these words. Is it Chinese or maybe Japanese…perhaps Chinapanese." Haha ok so I threw that one in because me and my friends always bust out laughing whenever some complicated Japanese word come up in Inuyasha and we can't say it.

In Court…Part 8

"She's been faking the whole time." Inuyasha said.

"That is enough!" Judge Kaede said.

"Is this going somewhere Inuyasha?"

"Yes, your honor"

"Well get on with it, I'm expecting a booty call."

"Go on with your bad self." Inuyasha said raising his eyebrows.

"I would like to call to the stand, Kagura!"

"What?" Kagura said.

"Inuyasha, what are you doing?" Kagome asked.

"Don't worry I've watched enough Law & Order to know what I'm doing."

"Kagura, if that's your real name, is it true that you have red eyes?"

"Yes, so?"

"I was just establishing to the court that you…any way. In all seriousness, is it true that you can't DANCE?"

"That's not true, your honor. I was a fabulous dance prior to the accident."

"Oh really because last I remember the Tootsie Roll didn't look like this." Inuyasha showed the court a crack-addicted version of the Tootsie Roll. Everyone in the court laughed and Kagura turned beet red.

"That's not true your honor. I can the Tootsie Roll, the Running Man, the Soulja boy (threw in that last one huh?)." Kagura said showing the court. Everyone gasped.

"That's it court adjourned." Judge Kaede said banging the hammer-a-bob and all walked out except Inuyasha , Kagome, Koga, Sesshoumaru, Miroku, and Sango. Suddenly Kagura tripped over her wheel chair.

"Ah help, I've injured my spine!"

"Come on everyone let's give her a hand." Inuyasha said. Everyone extended a hand then through it in her face making a rejecting "Eeerrrrch" and walked out.

_**THE END!**_ Tell me which one was your favorite and I might make more.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

Why Sesshoumaru is so quiet.

"SESSHOUMARU! I'm surprised at you!" Sesshoumaru's mother yelled at her ten year old son.

"But mother…"

"No buts! If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all…now does this kimono make me look fat?

"…"

And Sesshoumaru was silent ever since…well as much as he could possibly hold an insult in.

Still Can't believe it huh?

"I can't believe its taking this damn long to kill naraku, i got things to do." Inuyasha said.

"I can't believe i travel with an imp and an eight year old." Sesshoumaru added.

"I still can't believe it not butter!" Kagome said hold the yellow container.

"..."

"...Is she an idiot?" Sesshoumaru said.

Club Scene #1: Don't do that to me…

Kikyou walked alongside the bar, stopping as she got to her target. Ginta jumped as she sat by him with a smile on her face.

"Hey" She said flirtatiously. "Would you like to buy a girl a drink?" She asked. Ginta smiled broadly and gestured for the bartender to give her what she wanted. Ginta missed the bartender shake his head in shame as he placed the drink in Kikyou's hands. 'Poor delusional sucker' He thought.

"Well it was nice talking to you bye, bye!" She said and walked away as he scooted closer to her. Kikyou left him dumbstruck. Strolling to the end of the bar to a man that sat counting his money. She smiled to herself as she downed her drink. She sat beside him and opened her mouth to speak.

"Don't do that to me…I'll stalk your ass." Naraku said with a bored tone but smirked to the bartender when she left in irritation.

Yet Another Kool-aid Moment

"I am so thirsty but my dad left only grapefruit juice. I hate grapefruit juice!" Lil Sesshoumaru said sadly.

"OH YEAH!!!" The Kool-Aid man came bursting through the castle walls. Lil Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. The Kool-Aid man poured some of the contents in his head into a cup and held it out with a smile. Lil Sesshoumaru's faced stayed in shock until he knocked the cup out of the drink's hand.

"No, no YOU FIX THAT WALL BEFORE MY DAD GETS HOME FROM WORK!" He yelled pointing to the crumbling debris.

"This isn't Dr. Seuss! My dad's gonna beat me with the belt and he's not going to believe a talking bowl of fruit punch came in here! You stupid…Yeah coming through the wall is real freakin cool! USING THE FRONT DOOR IS COOL!" The Kool-aid man reached out to calm the boy.

"DON'T TOUCH ME YOU DRINK!"

"Oh yea?"

"OH NO!"

"…oh yea?"

"…"

Guess What?

"Hey Inuyasha, you'll never guess what happened to me at school today!" Kagome said as she ran up to Inuyasha with a smile. He smiled brightly back.

"Then there's no point in me playing is there!" He said as he walked away.

The problem with demon/human relationships and why they never last long on the show!

Inutaisho stretched as he woke up to a beautiful dawn. He turned to look at Izaiyoi only to jump and nearly scream. She was old, wrinkly, and smelled like old people. He still hasn't got used to it. Izaiyoi woke up and smile her toothless grin. Inutaisho couldn't help himself this time.

"I know I said 'til death do us part'…but DAMN!

ADVICE!

"I don't know what I'm going to do!" Inuyasha said.

"Definitely Kagome because she's…I don't know…ALIVE!" Miroku said.

"Kikyou because Kagome is messing up the whole time vortex thing…plus she's mine!" Kouga added.

"It seems you are quite the desired one. It can be troublesome and believe me, I know!" Jaken stated.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…How the hell would you know?" Sesshoumaru said with a confused and irritated look. Everyone turned to look at Jaken with smug smiles.

Which Inuyasha Guy is Gay

Jaken pranced around happily as he sung.

"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and GAY!" He was having so much fun that he hadn't noticed the two dog demons standing in the doorway cringing at not only the sound which they thought was an injured cat but at the pink leotard that Jaken sported that hugged every unwanted detail.

"I told you" Inuyasha said as Sesshoumaru shook his head and handed over the money. Jaken heard this and turned to face them.

"AAAAAAAAHHHH!!" The two brothers screamed as they learned all too well that the front was WAY worse than the back.

What's with the monkey suit?

Inuyasha and Kagome stared in wonder at Naraku who sported his wonderful baboon suit. Kagome finally tapped Inuyasha eagerly.

"Quick, Inuyasha! Get a bat, let's bust this piñata."

Watch your mouth!-no disrespect to the character Izaiyoi-

Lil Inuyasha sat at the table as he ate his stew. He had finally gotten the piece he wanted on the chopsticks and as he lifted it to his waiting lips, it slipped and fell to the floor.

"What the hell? Damn it!" Inuyasha's mother, Izaiyoi whipped around to face him angrily.

"INUYASHA! Now you know better than that!" Lil Inuyasha looked up in fear because he knew she would wash his mouth out with soap. (Has anyone's mother ever really done that? My mom did…it was horrible!) Once Inuyasha got his punishment, Izaiyoi looked into her son's eyes. Her face was filled with love but she was still upset.

"Inuyasha…." He looked up to his mother guiltily as she continued. "Who….in the fuck been teaching your ass how to cuss?" Inuyasha look incredibly at her. And she was serious too!

Payback!

"Hey, Sesshoumaru, I got a bone to pick with you!" Inuyasha said as he walked over to Sesshoumaru who simply glared.

"You can't hide anymore…I know." He continued.

"For a change…"Sesshoumaru said.

Inuyasha smiled flirtingly…FLIRTINGLY!?!

"I read all those fanfictions. I know…that you're gay for me." Sesshoumaru's jaw dropped before he had a chance to process.

"And I'm gay for you too…hold me." Inuyasha said while spreading his arms only to have Sesshoumaru pass out on the ground in front of him. His smile turned into a smirk.

"Payback's a bitch." He said and took Sesshoumaru's wallet. (haha, I have no problem with yaoi but…Sess/Inu crosses the line…and keeps on going.)

It's the Law!

"Lord Sesshoumaru, whatcha doin?" A 15 year old Rin asks as she wrapped her arms seductively around Sesshoumaru's arm. Sesshoumaru looked suddenly confused as he looked down at the girl's arms.

"Uh..ha 10 to 15 (years) if you don't get your hands off me." He said with a polite and pleasant smile as he pried the girl from off of him. She looked at him in a confused manner.

A new way to save the earth!

"Lord Sesshoumaru, I can't wait for you to meet my 3 sisters!" Jaken said with a smile at the bored demon Lord. Inuyasha and Miroku stood on the sidelines.

"Hey Miroku, what do think the female version of Jaken would look like?" Inuyasha said with mild disgust at the image. Miroku sighed.

"I don't know, my friend."

"THEY ARE HERE!" Jaken said as Sesshoumaru looked slowly to where he pointed. Inuyasha and Miroku did the same. Their jaws dropped so fast that Inuyasha felt his pop. The three women would goddesses! All had long black hair. They were as tall as Sesshoumaru with toned bodies and NO BEAKS! They had full lips. Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as they smiled at him. The only thing, however, was that their skin wore green.

"WHAT THE HELL, MAN!" Inuyasha yelled in shock. Miroku stood straight up and made his way towards the girls.

"Miroku, where are you going?" Inuyasha asked in annoyance.

"To save the world, Inuyasha. I'm going green!

Club Scene #2: If I take one more drink? –Lyrics by Ludacris-

Miroku, Inuyasha, and Kouga sat at a round table across from the bar as they ordered drinks from where they were. They were buzzed at this point but not wasted.

_Bought a couple bottles and I took a couple sips,_  
They look around, looking for girls. Miroku stopped.

_Scopin' out da room and what do I see?_  
His mouth dropped as he grabbed Inuyasha's and Kouga's attention.

_A nice round butt and a pair of double D's,_  
Inuyasha rose his glass to his friend.

"Go" Kouga said simply. Miroku walked to the bar noticing Sesshoumaru bartending. He looked up at the approaching man and quickly caught what the target was. Sesshoumaru gestured for the monk to run while he still could.

_So I crept up like "Shawty, what's happen'n?  
You kilin' dat dress and I love it wit' a passion"_  
Sesshoumaru shook his head in disappointment.

_Den she turned around and her face was aight,_  
Kouga and Inuyasha watched from a distance and nodded their approval.

"Yeah okay, I wouldn't but ok." Inuyasha said sipping his drink once more. Kouga shrugged.

The girl smiled at Miroku.

_She had a gap tooth and mean overbite,  
_"DAAAAMMNNN, SHE LOOK LIKE A BEAVER!" The two men said simultaneously as they put down they drinks, not wanting to risk it. Miroku sat there for a second, trying to blink away the alcohol in his system. Then he smiled.

_But I was like hmm..._

Sesshoumaru dropped the glass he cleaned in shock. Jaken walked up next to him as he shook the shock away.

"Clean that up, Jaken."

Telling the Truth –this one has none of the Inu-characters but its still hilarious- 

"Mama" Said a caramel colored boy. His mother looked at him.

"Why is it that I'm so light and you and daddy are so dark?" He asked with worry. His mother's eyes softened as she thought of what to say. He was too young to be told that he was a little mixed boy adopted into an African American home. She knelt down and spoke softly.

"Do you remember when I told you that I was gonna beat the black off your ass?...it worked."

Again, tell me you faves and there'll be more comin.


End file.
